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| Buddhism in Action |
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As a child growing up in Chicago, I was plagued by the question, "What is justice?" I wondered why people couldn't get along better than they did in my home; in my neighborhood; in the world. My father called me a dreamer. He constantly told me that I was a "worthless, no good scoundrel," to use his exact words, "who would never amount to anything." Those words sank deep into my life. I wanted to become a lawyer when I grew up and in that way fight for justice, but, in fact, every action I took insured that I would never accomplish anything meaningful in my life. In my senior year of high school I was expelled for cutting classes; the teachers said I was incorrigible and couldn't be educated.
My father cried and told me that he knew this would happen. My mother, who was a schoolteacher, was disgusted with me. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I was so distraught that I seriously considered suicide. I was brought up Catholic, so I went to a priest for help. He told me that he was too busy to talk to me. Next I called my best friend. We hung out all night and got drunk. The next morning I joined the Air Force. I was 18 years old.
A New Beginning
I passed the high school equivalency test in the Air Force, so when I got out of the service four years later, I moved to New York where I could attend a community college. But this was the '60s. I was so distracted by the times that I gave up on both school and my dreams. By the time I was 30, I had worked as a laborer in the steel mills, swept floors in factories, loaded mail trucks at the post office, been a gate agent for the airlines and a salesman for EBONY magazine.
An executive at an advertising agency thought I might have a talent for writing. With his encouragement I soon became an advertising copywriter. It was my first real success. I worked in the advertising business for the next 20 years, and it was during those years, in 1976, that I became a Buddhist.
I practiced Buddhism sincerely and did very well in my career, attaining promotion to senior vice-president and creative director level. In 1986, I left New York, and, after a year with an agency in Chicago, I moved to Los Angeles where I worked for the Nissan Corporation as manager of media relations.
A Turning Point
In 1992, I was laid off. This turned out to be the real turning point in my life. First of all, I couldn't find another job. My wife and I got a divorce. I was living in Santa Monica in an apartment that wasn't mine. And finally, since I was living illegally in a rent-controlled apartment, I was told to move. I was given one month. I had no job, no money, and I was using a bicycle to get around Los Angeles. I couldn't believe that I had practiced Buddhism for almost 20 years and I was actually facing homelessness on a bicycle. I appealed to the real estate agent to let me stay in the apartment, but to no avail. With one week left before I would be out on the street, the only thing I could do was chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (the basic practice of SGI members).
On Monday of that week I started a 10-hour-a-day chanting session. On Thursday an SGI member I knew called and said she was going out of town for a month and asked if I knew anyone who could look after her house for her. I moved in the next day. By the time she came back, a staff member at the World Tribune (the SGI-USA organ paper) had called and asked if I could work for them while the managing editor went to Boston to cover SGI President Ikeda's visit to Harvard. Another friend had an apartment for rent, and he wanted me to have it. And, while working at the World Tribune, I met my new wife.
During my marathon chanting sessions, I determined to take my life, which had until that point been built on circumstance, and rebuild it on prayer. Since getting kicked out of high school, I had gone wherever the wind blew me. If someone offered me a job, I'd take it--not so much because it was the job I wanted, but because there it was in front of me. Now I wanted to develop the courage to make a determination and stick with it until I had a result. With that spirit, I chanted to be able to use whatever talent I might have toward the attainment of world peace.
The Power of Positive Prayer
My wife and I share a dream of living in France someday. She has spoken French since her early teens, but I couldn't speak a word of French until I enrolled in a course at Santa Monica College. It was at this college that I got my first "A" ever. I was so encouraged by this success that I took another course in French, then one in history and political science and another in math. Before I knew it, I was graduating from Santa Monica College--my first graduation since elementary school. I applied to the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA), and I focused my Buddhist practice on being accepted. While waiting for the result, I realized that my prayer was full of doubt. It went something like this: "With my background, there's no way I am going to be accepted at one of the top research universities in America." I immediately changed my prayer from one of doubt to one of certainty: "Yes, I absolutely will be accepted." A few days later the thin letter of rejection showed up in my mailbox. But that didn't deter me one bit. I had determined that I was going to UCLA and that was that. I completed some unfinished course work from years before that was blocking my way, and when my grades were recalculated, I had in fact graduated from Santa Monica College with honors. The following quarter I was accepted for early admittance to UCLA.
Making Dreams Come True
Over the years, a committee of voices had found a home in my life. These were internal voices that at every opportunity would remind me of my father's words from my youth. Whenever I would set myself to a task, they would remind me in no uncertain terms that I had no ability whatsoever to do anything meaningful in this life, and that I was a total failure.
But with my victory I was able to tell my father and my internal committee that they were wrong! I also realized that I had transformed not only my own karma (fundamental life tendency), but also my father's karma, and I came to realize that I was truly a valuable human being. The committee couldn't stand up to the strength of my prayer and the depth of the inspiration I get from my mentor SGI President Ikeda. When President Ikeda spoke at Columbia University a few years back, he said, "The task of education must be fundamentally to ensure that knowledge serves to further the cause of human happiness and peace." That was my dream as a child.
I will soon finish my studies at UCLA. When I submit my application to graduate school for my Ph.D. studies, I will submit it to UCLA, of course, and Columbia University. I just have to decide which one I'll accept. My experience is incredible proof that it really is never too late to make our dreams come true.
Originally printed in the September 15, 2000, issue of the World Tribune
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| [ Courtesy January 2001 SGI Quarterly ] |
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